Anticipation/Anxiety

My stomach’s turning inside out.

They call them butterflies,

But that can’t be right.

My calm face is nothing but a guise.

I feel ready to explode.

My heart beats faster,

Trying to communicate in Morse code.

I hold on with all my might,

And wonder how much longer I could fight.

Breathe in and out, in and out.

Why do they expect that this will help?

In and out, in and out,

But I really just want to shout.

I grab a pen and expose my wrist,

Pull down my sleeve to circle my elbows.

Before I know it,

My arm is dressed in rows and rows

Of blue, black, or purple ink.

Rows and rows of words unknown,

Yet to be deciphered,

But can be called my own.

Word after word scrawled on my palm,

I write until the flow pauses

And now I can breathe in,

Without that quivering voice attempting to escape

I look up from my discolored arm

To take in a deeper breath

And close my eyes—

One last time to shut out reality

And give in to my world of words.

My eyes open as I exhale,

My heart is no longer audible in my chest.

I no longer succumb to this insane sensation:

The crazy, driving, encompassing anxiety—

Now no more, because of my own world.

Anxiety. We all have to deal and put up with it. Some times it's great and helps us grow stronger. Some times it just drives us insane and inhibits us from the task at hand. But it's important to know how to deal with this anxiety and nervousness. It could be anything from being more confident in general, being more prepared, or having an outlet to release the pent up energy that anxiety creates. Classic fight or flight symptoms right here. And we need to learn how to fight.

I'm absolutely terrified of public speaking. Well not exactly terrified, but I do become super nervous and it drives me insane because I want to be able to speak well. And so, when I had a very important interview last week, the anxiety was driving me insane. Then we got into our room and began our "writing lab." I wrote my response, and sat there calmly. I'd already felt much better after writing that forced essay but then I grabbed my pen and began writing on my hand. I'd had an idea hit me and I just had to write it down. Verses kept flowing through my head, but due to the fact that I was heading into an interview, I restrained myself from covering my arms in ink. I did, however, bring up the situation during my interview. This whole ordeal made me realize how much I depend on writing and how great of an outlet it is. And now I sit here anxiously, awaiting the results from my interview. This anticipation has also driven me to the verge of insanity, and so I wrote.

Almost everyone will agree that it is vital to be able to deal with stress. Stress harms you mentally and physically. And it does this through initiating the fight or flight response which also activates in anxiety-inducing situations. So obviously, this draws the connection that anxiety can't be too healthy either. Which means that it's important to have an outlet for it and to be able to deal and cope with anxiety just as you can organize yourself to deal with stress. It just makes you feel so much better to be able to get rid of the sweaty palms and the fast loud heartbeat.

YOUR CHALLENGE: Today, tomorrow, or next week, whenever it is that you get stressed... CALM DOWN. Take some deep breaths in and take a break from whatever you're doing. DO NOT use the excuse that if you take a break you'll have even less time and thus more strength. That is no excuse at all! Take a break, take a breath, and do something you like. Do anything to get your mind off the situation and give yourself a little space. I promise, it will make you feel so much better.